It's about the heart...

Time with Jesus

2009-01-14T16:17:00.000-08:00

So the other night I was feeling lonely. My room mate has moved out, so I live in a big house by myself. The holidays just ended, so I'm not getting to enjoy the company of my family. i could go on and on about the different reasons I've been feeling lonely lately. Thankfully I was journaling/praying during my quiet time and what do you know Jesus hit a home run!

I've always valued time spent with others. I'm a people person as most of you know. I like being around people all the time, I like learning about other people, I like to invest my time in others. I know I consider it such a blessing whenever I get to spend time with my friends! The time my friends spend with me I consider extremely valuable. Well, in the midst of my complaining that I wanted someone to spend time with. God said "Why don't you spend time with me?" Wow, let me tell you I lost my breath I felt so bad... All the time Jesus is knocking on the door offering, here I am, spend time with me, enjoy me...

Do you know how ever so often you look at the Bible next to your bed and say, oh i'll get to it later as you rush out the door to go meet a friend for dinner... Well God has really convicted me on this one. I shouldn't let him be second priority...

Do you ever feel like I don't want to get into it because I know with my thinking that it will end up taking hours and I only have half an hour right now... I get so mad at myself - why do I worry about that... Cause when I do open God's living word - wow, he always speaks straight to my heart! Who cares if I spend hours communing with Jesus - Nothing in this world is more important than the trinity! I mean Jesus did give the ultimate sacrifice - he gave his life for me so that I can SPEND TIME WITH GOD!!!!

Am I hitting any chords here?

Well, this loneliness isn't there anymore. When I get home to my empty house I just go sit down with my favorite book and let the Holy Spirit meet with me...

SUNNY!!!

2009-01-08T08:30:00.000-08:00

So I look outside the window, and I'm so lucky God gave me eyes to see!! I love witnessing the sun play on the buildings and the dancing shadows!~

God is so good! I've been asking Him to come and fill my heart so that I might be able to love my neighbors unconditionally. And God just puts this joy in me that makes me just love everything around me! He is faithful when he says in one of my favorite verses:

Isaiah 40:31
"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not grow faint!"

Don't you just love God's optimism! He is ALL we need!!!

I know I've been sad plenty of times, but I look back on it and wonder why I didn't just remember all the MILLIONS of blessings God gives me EACH and EVERY day! I've been disappointed recently, and I'm just mad at myself for letting some little unsubstantial things bother me! God calls us to be hopeful! I have just been praying that God will keep my love for humanity and my passion for others to be renewed and remain a faithful servant and witness for the Lord. I have the most amazing friends a girl could ask for. Not to mention God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit NEVER disappoint us! It's so easy to look at todays society and become disenchanted, but we just have to remember how WONDERFUL heaven will be once we get there! God gives us pain so that we can grow to love all the blessings he gives us that much more! I mean if Jesus' glory was realized in all his sufferings, why won't our pain become something great?

Sometimes we can get so tunnel visioned on the negatives that it completely affects who we are! But we should be stronger than that! One thing God has shown me is that we can't let our standards be compromised! Stand Firm in Him! Do not be moved! Keep your joy! Keep your childlike WONDER at the world!

Here is a little verse I got to enjoy last night during my quiet time with Jesus, the romancer of my soul!

Psalm 84 (New International Version)

1 How lovely is your dwelling place, O LORD Almighty!

2 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

3 Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young—a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.

4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.

5 Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.

6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.

7 They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.

8 Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty; listen to me, O God of Jacob.

9 Look upon our shield, O God; look with favor on your anointed one.

10 Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.

11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.

12 O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you.

Much love to you all!!!

Joyful

2008-12-31T11:31:00.001-08:00

Wow... I can't believe it's been over a year since I blogged... I don't know where the time has gone...

I'm just overwhelmed with Joy these days. God is good. Satan has had me trapped, chained down in some hole of worry and fear and anxiety; but I have broken out! God set me free, and I am just overflowing with happiness! The scariest part was that I didn't even realize i needed releasing!

Amazing to think that we can get so caught up that we need something major to help us realize that our hearts aren't in the places that they should be. I didn't realize how far I had faded! I guess my lack of blogging attests to it as well.

I'm gonna try to update more often again.

Busyness

2007-11-12T07:05:00.000-08:00

Why are we so busy all the time?
Is it the "cool" thing to do?
Is it because we're afraid of telling the truth?
Is it because we're scared of being still?

At Church our sermon was on the sabbath, and it got me thinking. Are we afraid to be still and rest in Jesus. Are we scared of what we might discover or what he might tell us, so we continue to go go go so that we don't have to hear what He is telling us?

I know some of it is trust - do we trust Jesus enough to find comfort in Him and His ways.

But I also think a part of it is that we are scared and that's satan's way of keeping us from doing God's work. Satan uses lies and fear to decieve and distract.

I've been lucky enough to know how important keeping the sabbath is. I've even been criticized for keeping my Sundays my Jesus days, but it's totally worth it! God knew what he was doing when he said to take a day to rest and recoop. Why is so hard for us to listen??? I know I need work in this area!

"By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work. And God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done." Genesis 2:2-3

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him Psalm" 62:5

Fragile life...

2007-01-29T19:38:00.000-08:00

wow...
I am truly blessed in this life...
So... something crazy happened to me on Friday morning... Just like every other morning, I was on my way to the Architecture building to work on my thesis proposal... riding down the road on my bike, seeing a green light, so I'm going to continue into the intersection to cross the road, and well, I got hit by a car... I mean, really, who gets hit by a car... still totally surreal... I don't remember much of anything from the wreck (God's way of allowing us not to relive our tramatic experiences every day) But I'm so lucky- no broken bones, just a lot of pain...
I wasn't wearing a helmet (God had an angel watching over me because apparently I landed on my head and was knocked out and lying in the roadway) I only have a concussion... It could be worse... I redislocated my shoulder, and tweeked my knee stretching some of the ligaments... and on the xrays of my ankle, there is a hairline fracture, but you can't do anything for it, so it's just very bruised and swolen... there is a giant bruise on my shin right under my shin... and my calf and achilles tendon are pretty sore... plus ofcourse the whiplash... well, enough said about the injuries... it could be worse, and God has watched over me, even though I'm not worthy... God's grace is amazing!
I don't remember being on the ground, but a friend that I believe God had drive by and recognize me, when he pulled over and came over and followed me to the hospital, he said that I was asking what was going on and what happened... supposedly I said I didn't see the car, which I didn't but I don't remember answering any of the questions while I was sitting on the ground either... I don't remember the ambulance ride and the first bit in the ER is fuzzy... I didn't really come to my senses until about two hours after it happened. Supposedly I went over the hood... I don't know... all I know was there was a green light and I was just heading to school just like every other day...
I have a cousin that works in Fort Benning, and my mom lives 5 hours away in Jackson, MS and my aunt all came to see me... How SPECIAL family is! It's amazing! God created the family unit for a reason, and I'm so thankful that He placed me in such a loving family- I am so blessed...
I have had numerous friends that have called, or come by to check on me! I can not express how thankful and lucky I am! Sometimes it's hard to swallow that I am so blessed, because I feel like I don't deserve all the wonderful things that I have in my life! My roommate and her mom also came to the ER room to check on me... My sweet boyfriend also took his whole day on Friday to come and help take care of me, and he drove to see me from montgomery saturday, sunday, and today!
It's amazing the support that God has blessed me with, and I just wish I could express to them all how much they mean to me as well as how thankful I am for everything God has done for me, and there is so much more, this is just a recent event in my life where God once again has blown me away with his mercies! I might be sore and hurt physically, but I'm bursting with Joy and thanksgiving on the inside!!! and I'm all the time getting better- God is allowing me to heal... Praise Him!

excerpts from The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis

2007-01-04T18:03:00.000-08:00

"You mean we might draw a circle on the ground--and write in queer letters in it--and stand inside it--and recite charms and spells?" [Jill Pole]
"Well," said Eustace after he had thought hard for a bit. "I believe that was the sort of thing I was thinking of, though I never did it. But now that it comes to the point, I've an idea that all those circles and things are rather rot. I don't think he'd like them. It would look as if we thought we could make him do things. But really, we can only ask him." p. 8-9

How curious... we often think we can get to heaven on our own works, on our own schemes, but really, it's God's way that will succeed in the end and we can only ask if he will let us into heaven through His Mercy and Grace in His son, Jesus!

"I was wondering--I mean--could there be some mistake? Because nobody called me and Scrubb, you know. It was we who asked to come here. Scrubb said we were to call to--to Someobody--it was a name I wouldn't know--and perhaps the Somebody would let us in. And we did, and then we found the door open."
"You would not have called to me unless I had been calling to you," said the Lion.
"Then you are Somebody, Sir?" said Jill.
"I am. And now hear your task. Far from here in the land of Narnia there lives an aged king who is sad because he has no prince of his blood to be king after him. He has no heir because his only son was stolen from him many years ago, and no one in Narnia knows where that prince went or whether he is still alive. But he is. I lay on you this command, that you seek this lost prince until either you have found him and brought him to his father's house, or else died in the attempt, or else gone back to your own world."
"How, please?" said Jill.
"I will tell you, Child," said the Lion. "These are the signs by which I will guide you in your quest. First; as soon as the Boy Eustace sets foot in Narnia, he will meet an old and dear friend. He must greet that friend at once; if he does, you will both have good help. Second; you must journey out of Narnia to the north till you come to the ruined city of the ancient giants. Third; you shall find a writing on a stone in that ruined city, and you must do what the writing tells you. Fourth; you will know the lost prince (if you find him) by this, that he will be the first preson you have met in your travels who will ask you to do something in my name, in the name of Aslan."
As the Lion seemed to have finished, Jill thought she should say something. So she said, "Thank you very much. I see." p. 24-26

How deep... God is Great!! and C.S. Lewis does such a great job relating to the Christian life!!

"Who's There?" Shouted the three travelers.
"I am the Warden of the Marches of Underland, and with me stand a hundred Earthmen in arms," came the reply. "Tell me quickly who you are and what is your errand in the Deep Realm?"
"We fell down by accident," said Puddleglum, truthfully enough.
"Many fall down, and few return to the sunlight lands," said the voice. "Make ready now to come with me to the Queen of the Deep Realm." p140

I pray that we who fall, that is sin... will sincerely repent of our wrong doings, even if it was an accident, but that God would show us how we have missed the mark so that we can get right with Him and have hopes of one day joining Him in the "sunlit lands" of heaven!

"Don't you mind him," said Puddleglum. "There are no accidents. Our guide is Aslan; and he was there when the giant King caused the letters to be cut, and he knew already all things that would come of them; including this." p154

Aren't we thankful for God guiding our lives, and knowing what choices we will make, that He has gone before ALL of us to prepare the way...

"My royal mother is avenged," siad Rilian presently. "This is undoubtedly the same worm that I pursued in vain by the fountain in the forest of Narnia, so many years ago. All these years I have been the slave of my mother's slayer. Yet I am glad, gentlemen, that the foul Witch took to her serpent form at the last. It would not have suited well either with my heart or with my honor to have slain a woman." p 185

Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit have given us the strength to avenge Eve, and I'm so thankful that He has defeated Satan on the human race's behalf! And gives us the strength to resist evil...

"You cannot want wrong things any more, now that you have died, my son," said Aslan. "And you shall see their world--for five minutes of their time. It will take no longer for you to set things right there." Then Aslan explained to Caspian what Jill and Eustace were going back to and all about Experiment House: he seemed to know it quite as well as they did.
"Daughter," siad Aslan to Jill, "pluck a switch off that bush." She did; and as soon as it was in her hand it turned into a fine new riding crop.
"Now, Sons of Adam, draw your swords," said Aslan. "But use only the flat, for it is cowards and children, not warriors, against whom I send you."
"Are you coming with us, Aslan?" said Jill.
"They shall see only my back," said Aslan. p 240-241

Wow... God is good! and always with us... He has renewed our minds after we die to the flesh so that we can be more like Him and have more of His thoughts for us... Praise be to God!!

Oh, the journey's we will take...

2006-12-24T14:32:00.000-08:00

Excerpts from The Voyage of the Dawn Treader Chronicles of Narnia by Clyde Staples Lewis

" 'But who is Aslan? Do you know him?' / 'Well--he knows me,' said Edmund. 'He is the great Lion, the son of the Emperor-beyond-the-Sea, who saved me and saved Narnia. We've all seen him. Lucy sees him most often. And it may be Aslan's country we are sailing to.' " p 110-111

How blessed we are the God knows us!! And those that don't know Him, how He desires for them to know Him...

"and she ran forward with a little cry of delight and with her arms stretched out. For what stood in the doorway was Aslan himself, The Lion, the highest of all High Kings. And he was solid and real and warm and he let her kiss him and bury herself in his shining mane. And from the low, earthquake like sound that came from inside him, Lucy even dared to think that he was purring. / 'Oh, Aslan,' said she, 'it was kind of you to com.' / 'I have been here all the time,' said he, 'but you have just made me visible.' / 'Aslan!' said Lucy almost a little reproachfully. 'Don't make fun of me. As if anything I could do would make you visible!' / 'It did,' said Aslan. 'Do you think I wouldn't obey my own rules?' " p. 158-159

" 'Why is it called Aslan's table?' asked Lucy presently. / 'It is set here by his bidding,' said the girl, 'for those who come so far. Some call this island the World's End, for though you can sail further, this is the beginning of the end.' / 'But how does the food keep?' asked the practical Eustace. / 'It is eaten, and renewed every day,' said the girl. 'this you will see.' " p. 202

Oh how blessed we are to have a Father that wants to provide for us!! Today at Church we read the story of Isaac and Abraham for the Christmas sermon, and how God is a God of ALL provisions- He wants to provide the provisions for us!! Come, let us eat and drink and be filled by the gifts of God!!!!

" 'Please, Lamb,' said Lucy, 'is this nthe way to Aslan's country?' / 'Not for you,' said the Lamb. 'for you the door into Aslan's country is from your own world.' / 'what!' said Edmund. 'Is there a way into Aslan's country from our world too?' / 'There is a way into my country from all the worlds,' said the Lamb; " p. 246

God wants us to find Jesus, and hence have a way to heaven!! How GOOD our God IS !!

How Great God is!

2006-12-11T12:52:00.000-08:00

Prince Caspian The Chronicles' of Narnia

. "oh joy! For he was there: the huge Lion, shining white in the moonlight, with his huge black shadow underneath him.
. But for the movement of his tail he might have been a stone lion, but Lucy never thought of that. She never stopped to think whether he was a friendly lion or not. She rushed to him. She felt her heart would burst if she lost a moment. And the next thing she knew was that she was kissing him and putting her arms as far round his neck as she could and burying her face in the beautiful rich silkiness of his mane.
. 'Aslan, Aslan. Dear Aslan,' sobbed Lucy. 'At last.'
. The great beast rolled over on his side so that Lucy fell, half sitting and half lying between his front paws. He bent forward and just touched her nose with his tongue. His warm breath came all round her. She gazed up into the large wise face.
. 'Welcome, child," he said.
. 'Aslan,' said Lucy, 'you're bigger.'
. 'That is because you are older, little one,' answered he.
. 'Not because you are?'
. 'I am not. But every year you grow, you will find me bigger.' " (p 141)

Oh, how I long to run to Jesus... I wish we all greeted Him this way every time we came to worship Him!!
And how true it is that every year the cross becomes bigger as we learn and understand more how much the grace of God shines!!!!!!

. And so at last they got on the move. Lucy went first, biting her lip and trying not to say all the things she thought of saying to Susan. But she forgot them when she fixed her eyes on Aslan. He turned and walked at a slow pace about thirty yards ahead of them. The others had only Lucy's directions to guide them, for Aslan was not only invisible to them but silent as well. His big cat-like paws made no noise on the grass. (p 149)

All those mean thoughts will just disappear as long as we focus on Jesus!!!
Let us NOT lose sight of HIM!!
How AWESOME HE IS!!!
And let us live as Christ followers so that the non-Christians of our world will have a witness and example to follow, but remain humble because it is ONLY because of GOD that we have the hope through JESUS!
Praise God the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit!

God has blessed us on Earth

2006-12-11T12:23:00.000-08:00

Just some truths from my reading the Chronicle's of Narnia, The Magician's Nephew, which is allegorical to creation... (Book 1 of the series) I think you can figure out the richness of the allegories on your own...

" But though Digory could no longer hear the Lion, he could see it. It was so big and so bright that he could not take his eyes off it. The other animals did not appear to be afraid of it. " (p 124)

" 'Creatures, I give you yourselves,' said the strong, happy voice of Aslan. 'I give to you forever this land of Narnia. I give you the woods, the fruits, the rivers. I give you the stars and I give you myself. The Dumb Beasts whom I have not chosen are yours also. Treat them gently and cherish them but do not go back to their ways lest you cease to be Talking Beasts. For out of them you were taken and into them you can return. Do not so.' " (p 128)

" 'My children,' said Aslan, fixing his eyes on both of them, 'you are to be the first King and Queen of Narnia.'
The Cabby opened his mouth in astonishment, and his wife turned very red.
'You shall rule and name all these creatures, and do justice among them, and protect them from their enemies when enemies arise. And enemies will arise, for there is an evil Witch in this world.'
The Cabby swallowed hard two or three times and cleared his throat.
'Begging your pardon, sir,' he said, 'and thanking you very much I'm sure (which y Missus does the same) but I ain't no sort of chap for a job like that. I never 'ad much eddycation, you see.'
'Well,' said Aslan, 'can you use a spade and a plow and raise food out of the earth?'
'Yes, sir, I could do a bit of that sort of work: being brought up to it, like.'
'Can you rule these creatures kindly and fairly, remmbering that they are not slaves like the dumb beasts of the world you were born in, but Talking Beasts and free subjects?'
'I see that, sir,' replied the Cabby. 'I'd try to do the square thing by them all.'
'And would you bring up your children and grandchildren to do the same?'
'It'd be up to me to try, sir. I'd do my best: wouldn't we, Nellie?'
'And you wouldn't have favorietes either among your own children or among the other creatures or let any hold another under or use it hardly?'
'I never could abide such goings on, sir, and that's the truth. I'd give 'em what for if I caught 'em at it,' said the Cabby...
'And if enemies came against the land (for enemies will arise) and there was war, would you be the first in the charge and the last in the retreat?'
'Well, sir,' said the Cabby very slowly, 'a chap don't exactly know till he's been tried. I dare say I might turn out eer such a soft 'un. Never did no fighting except with my fists. I'd try--that is, I 'ope I'd try--to do my bit.'
'Then,' said Aslan, 'you will have done all that a King should do.' " (p 151-152)

" He knew which was the right tree at once, partly because it stood in the very center and partly because the great silver apples with which it was loaded shone so and cast a light of their own down on the shadowy places where the sunlight did not reach. He walked straight across to it, picked an apple, and put it in the breast pocket of his Norfolk jacket. But he couldn't help looking at it and smelling it before he put it away.
It would have been better if he had not. A terrible thirst and hunger came over him and a longing to taste that fruit. He put it hastily into his pocket; but there were plenty of others. Could it be wrong to taste one? After all, he thought, the notice on the gate might not have been exactly an order; it might have been only a piece of advice-- and who cares about advice? Or even if it were an order, would he be disobeying it by eating an apple? He had already obeyed the part about taking one 'for others.'
While he was thinking of all this he happened to look up though the branches toward the top of the tree. There, on a branch above his head, a wonderful bird was roosting. I say 'roosting' because it seemed almost asleep; perhaps not quite. the tiniest slit of one eye was open. it was larger than an eagle, its breast saffron, its head crested with scarlet, and its tail purple.
'And it just shows,' said Digory afterward when he was telling the story to the others, 'that you can't be too careful in these magical places. You never know what may be watching you.' " (p 172-173)

Free in Christ; trust in Christ

2006-12-11T12:09:00.000-08:00

I have been reading through the Chronicles' of Narnia, and these are some things that stuck out to me in the book The Horse and His Boy (Book 3 of the series).

" 'I say,' put in Shasta in rather a shocked voice, 'oughtn't you to say 'may he live forever?'
'Why?' asked the Horse. 'I'm a free Narnian. And why should I talk slaves' and fools' talk?' I don't want him to live forever, and I know that he's not going to live forever whether I want him to or not. And I can see you're from the free North too. No more of this Southern jargon between you and me!' " (p 14)

How awesome that as Christians we are free!!!!!!!!!! However, because we are free doesn't mean that God hasn't given us very specific rules for us to follow- His law is first...
ESPECIALLY, Love one another as Christ FIRST loved us!

" 'Daughter,' said the Hermit, 'I have now lived a hundred and nine winters in this world and have never yet met any such thing as Luck. There is something about all this that I do not understand: but if ever we need to know it, you may be sure that we shall.' " (p 148)

I'm so glad that God is in complete control... I will trust in Him, and when He is ready for me to know His will, He will reveal it to me, but ONLY in HIS timing!

CS Lewis was a genius...

Dependability

2006-11-07T21:23:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had someone that you depended on?

I mean there is the obvious- our parents...
and for me it was also my older brother...
these were people that I couldn't really do anything without having them a part of my life... I don't know what I would do without them! I love them with all my heart, and I am so thankful that God blessed me with such a loving family!

OK, so back to the initial question...
depended on someone like you couldn't make a decision without first knowing their opinion...

I got to thinking about this, and well...
I feel like that's how God wants us to be with Him... we should have such a close relationship with Him that we feel like we can't make a decision without consulting Him first, without knowing what He thinks...

I wish I was better about praying and seeking God's guidance...

"Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground." Psalm 143:10

"When he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth." John 16:13

"be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him." Psalm 37:7

"Hear my cry, oO God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you. I call as my heart frows faint: lead me to the rock that is higher than I." Psalm 61:1-2

"blessed are those who hear the word of God and obey it." Luke 11:28

Love...

2006-07-18T21:49:00.000-07:00

If I told you the end of the world was coming... would your friends and family know how much you love them? would you have any regrets? would you wish that you took the time to love on people more? what would you change about your life if you knew you only had one year left to live?

Pray for the nations!
Pray for your family!
Pray for your friends!
Pray for the unsaved!
Pray for the leaders!

I was reminded today of how powerful prayer is and how important love is!

Remember: God gave his only son life! and Jesus lead a perfect life, so that because of his perfect life he takes our place!! He is the one dying for our sins- a perfect sacrifice so that because Jesus lives in our hearts (if you've prayed and asked him to come into your heart- and if you have prayed He IS there- it's a promise, and God ALWAYS keeps his promises!) and since Jesus lives in our heart, God sees Jesus' perfection, and not our sins!! WOW!! unfathomable!

God has power to answer your prayers!
to bring others to know Him in all his love and glory!

I pray and hope that my friends and family know how much I love them!!
I will always love them!

I did not deserve to be this blessed!!
Praise Jesus!
Praise God, the father!
Praise the Holy Spirit, whom the father has sent us to lead and guide us... to encourage us and be with us to carry us through all the hard times!

Tell someone you love them!

Let your light and God's love OVERFLOW to ALLLLLLL those around you!

Thank someone!
those that love you...
God...
the trinity!
Be in awe of all God does!!
DO NOT BE LEAD ASTRAY BY THE FALSE WITNESSES GOD HAS WARNED US OF!
Wait on the Lord!!!
Be prepared...
let those around you know how much you love them!

LET GOD KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Trust

2006-07-05T20:33:00.000-07:00

So often we take trust for granted... or if you're like me, I have a hard time trusting others because I don't want to be disappointed, or I'm afraid if something goes wrong I'd rather it be because of something I did than leaving it up for someone else to make a mistake... Well, if we realize this fact about ourselves, than why does it hurt so bad when others don't trust you? I mean, I shouldn't get upset when people question what I say... I'm not perfect, God knows I fall short of His glory every day, and that I need His grace so much because I can't do it on my own!
I've lied before, and I'll probably lie again in my lifetime, but when we are being truthful and when we are trying to follow God and be lead by Him and when we are truly striving to be honest and do what is right, that's when it really hurts that people don't trust you... it's when you're caught in the wrong that you're like, ok, it was right for you to question, but when there was nothing wrong done, and trust is lost that it really hurts...
I have many a conversation with God about feeling sorry for the fact that so often I don't trust Him enough and that too often I try to take things into my own hands, when it would turn out so much better if I just left it up to Him, but for some stupid reason, I like to make things difficult and take things into my own hands!
Anywho, in closing:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

accountability

2006-06-08T07:37:00.000-07:00

I'm so thankful for my friends, but I have a confession... we talk about accountability stuff, but even with some of my closest friends I sometimes I wear a mask and try to suppress whatever I'm struggling with and act as if it doesn't exist... which I hate because if we don't tell one another, how can we build each other up and encourage one another towards unity in Christ if we don't carry one another's burdens, and yes Jesus' burden is light, and He wants to carry our burdens, but God put us on earth with other humans to share and help one another (fellowship!)... God made us in His image, and He has such a desire to be with us, as we as humans share in that desire to be with people...

I have a huge fear of failing, yet I know that I do every day... I'm soooo thankful for God's mercy and grace!!!!! I started thinking because I realized that even though I've been really thirsty to read the Bible and really wanting to read all the books of the Bible I've not read before (I used to be intimidated by it because I thought that I could never catch up to those that were raised reading the Bible, where I was raised doing works in the Episcopal church) It's hard for me to put down my Bible at night, I want to keep reading and then what I do read it's hard to move on because I really want to soak in what I'm reading- praise be to Jesus that I have the rest of my life to keep learning and interacting with God's word...

Anyways, back on the subject, I realized that it's been a long time since I've prayed and just had a conversation with God... the drive back to Montgomery from 8th street at First Baptist Church in Opelika, I had a nice talk, and I was sorry and embarrased that I had allowed so much time to go by without talking to God... I've prayed, but it's almost like I was just going through the motions... Since I got real involved with Campus Crusade for Christ, I started journaling (especially prayer journaling when I went with them on a mission trip to China for 6 weeks the summer after my sophomore year)... Well I started thinking that maybe being a prayer leader might not be a good idea because right now I'm struggling with really just talking to God, I mean I pray, but I really need to get back to the heart of it (I need to reread "A Call to Prayer" by JC Ryle)... God is teaching me a lot... Sorry this is so long, but thanks for listening (reading)

Beauty

2006-06-06T19:39:00.000-07:00

I think the world of all of my friends... A lot of times I don't understand why or how I'm so lucky that the Lord has blessed me so richly with the people that are in my life!

"All beautiful you are, my darling, There is no flaw in you!"- God (Beloved), Song of Songs 4:7

Content...
I just finished reading the book of Ecclesiastes- and it just reiterates that the things of this world are meaningless, and that we should enjoy this blink of an eye we have on earth in these human bodies...
"So I commend the enjoymeent of life, because nothing is better for a man under the sun than to eat and drink and be glad. Then joy will accompany him in his work all the days of the life God has given him under the sun." Ecclesiastes 8:15

I'm so lucky to be enjoying so much waking up and going in to work early- They had to get me a set of keys because I always showed up early and would have to wait until someone else got there to let me in... so I get there and I make the first pot of coffee for everyone (I bring my own from home) and then I sit down and I don't want to leave... the Lord has blessed me with the directions he gave me to go into architecture and I enjoy it so much! I used to say I can't complain because I know that's where God wants me, and I know every day when he proves to me as the time flies by that he knows me better than I know myself!

I also am living with a friend from Auburn's parents (she's here too) but it is the biggest blessing! I have a family in Montgomery! and it's absolutely amazing to have Mehgan here too! She is an amazing encouraging Christian and her friendship blesses my life!

"Be happy, young man, while you are young and let your heart give you joy in the days of your youth. Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgment. So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body, for youth and vigor are meaningless" Ecclesiastes 11:9-10

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down his friend can help him up, but pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Prayer in schools

2006-05-20T16:14:00.000-07:00

I'm greatly saddened because I heard today about a school in Kentucky that is not allowing prayer to be a part of their graduating ceremony anymore! That it makes people feel uncomfortable!! UGHH...

Let's think about this... maybe it makes people feel uncomfortable because God is working on their hearts... God is everywhere, and my only thoughts is that God makes them uneasy because he is trying to reach them and make them realize there is more in this life and that we have a bigger purpose than just success, which this world puts so much emphasis on...

Let's love on one another! God's greatest commandment is to love,
and let's MEET TOGETHER AND BREAK BREAD TOGETHER AND THANK GOD FOR IT!!
God tells us to pray continually... let our lives be a prayer, maybe we should change and make lots of little short prayers all the time so that our whole lives become a prayer! Let's make them nervous, plant seeds and pray for each other, for other Christians, for those that don't know God's love, that God will work on their hearts and change their hearts so that they will know the joys and LOVE of Christ!!!

Stay with me...

2006-04-26T03:58:00.000-07:00

A simple request that the Lord demands of us... Wow, blessings are too many to count, and God is still with me... How wonderful that He loves us so much to remain with us if we remain with Him...

So, I had a wonderful talk with my older brother, I don't know how I lucked out so much- the only explanation is that God is PERFECT! and knows me better than I know myself, and therefore He planned for my brother to be such an incredible man of God and witness to me...

A few things my brother had to remind me of:

God isn't an obligation
We are in the world, and it's okay to enjoy life, and i'm sorry i don't have the passage where God talks about enjoying our food and drink
We are not at home here on earth- we are IN the world, not OF it...
God is our final goal, and He isn't just teaching us book knowledge from the Bible, but life lessons as well!

I'm just so lucky and blessed...
There is no other place I'd rather be than right where God wants me to be...
Caught up in the middle of God's plan for my life...

Connections, Beginnings, Ends...

2006-04-19T09:43:00.000-07:00

I love how everything in Rome is connected...
I walk around and pretty much I can take any back alley and find my way- I've become friends with the streets that connect many of the monuments that we frequent as a class...
The relationships built here with friends from Auburn as well as locals are priceless... Our landlord is greatly amused by me always smiling- he'll mention to my classmates "sempre, sempre" and point to my smile, at which point my classmates agree... I have a butcher at the market that I go to every morning that also likes my smiling- the Italians don't smile much- He told me the other day that he is going to cry when I leave... The bread lady who sets up right next to my butcher is really sweet she's a blond girl that can't be older than 30. Every time I go, I go to my butcher first, then her, and now when I show up at the butcher she always says, Ciao Barbara- easier for them to understand than my nickname "BJ" especially since there isn't a J in the Italian alphabet- I wish I could bring the market back to the US...

In the beginning, I was terrified because I didn't know Italian- this morning in a little piazza I had a capuccino and a lady stopped and asked me for directions to another piazza that I gave to her- It's so nice being able to communicate... but the end is FAST approaching- I'm sad in so many ways, yet I'm tired from the constant going and doing, but I only havce 3 weeks left and I want to do so many other things before I leave... But the good thing, and what I normally like to do is think positively: this isn't an end, only a beginning of having a new view of life after being exp0sed to Rome... Maybe one day I will get to come back...

placement

2006-04-13T08:59:00.000-07:00

This is a really long post, sorry- it's been a long time since I updated... time flies when you're abroad trying to get everything done you want to get done... so much still left for me to see that I haven't seen!

God puts us in places we don't always want to be... or God puts us in situations we don't want to have to deal with in order for us to address whatever it is we might be avoiding...
I want to be in Rome, but I want to be in Auburn at the same time...

I had a really hard time deciding whether or not I would come to Rome because of a fear that I would fall to sin or temptations I didn't know how to deal with... For example, there is the temptation not to seek out a church because I'm in a strange place where people don't speak my language... the temptation to get caught up in my schoolwork and not make time for God since there isn't anyone to keep me accountable on the trip- which has proven to be something I've fallen on, I get busy then too tired, but then there are days where I'm filled with the Lord's presence, and a desire to get in His word... And there are times that I feel alone (but I know that I am not- God's right here with me) and at times I feel like a bad person (previous post) but then when I go to the Lord, I always feel so much better! I don't understand why I allow a gap to ever form between my and the Lord! Anyways I'm here now...

I also feel like I'm incapable sometimes, but that's where I have to remind myself that I must lean on God- His strength, not mine, Jesus is the only one that has lived a blameless life and not succumbing to Satan's temptations... I feel like I am failing God in so many ways... There's a lot of emotional turmoil going on inside me right now- as you can probably tell, and a lot of this is because I'm tired... Every time I see the portrayals of Jesus' crucifixion, tears come to my eyes, I'm the one that caused His death! Me, a wretched sinner, is going to be an hier alongside Jesus! How can it be? My human mind doesn't allow my comprehension of this... I feel so bad for the pain that I've caused and still cause God even today when I let Him down, or disappoint Him...

I don't know what to think or do right now... I miss my family, my friends, my Church... I also know that I haven't been praying enough, or spending enough time in the word, which causes a gap from being close to God, but it is easily taken care of by making time to meet with Him... there is so much to do here that I've been making the choice to go and do rather than getting in the word, which I feel is putting Him second- this is really embarrassing to admit- and of course I feel like I'm doing too little and my classmates think that I'm an overzealous Christian- I'd like them to meet the women in my life that are such role models in their spiritual walks for me and who I feel have a desire to know the Lord the way that I do... I'm not the only Christian that is gung ho for Jesus!

There's a lot of negativity around... It's hard not to give into the pettiness, and when I do it's when I'm weak because I haven't been delving into God's truth enough... The atmosphere is wearing on my normally happy go lucky style... I don't feel like anyone here understands, and people don't like my positivity- it makes them feel uncomfortable and stressed out and exhausted... it's really hard- I don't want to change, but I feel like I should because I'm bothering those around me, which I never want to be in the way or cause problems... I don't know why it's hard to be happy or positive because we have sooooo much to rejoice over! there are so many things that God has blessed us with~!!!

I don't want to concern myself with the things of this world, but I definitely allow them to sometimes... God is all that matters- which is why I'm so upset with myself that I've been putting my spiritual walk on the back burner so far since I've been here- which is what I was afraid of, and yet I'm still doing it... There are good intentions of making the choice to be around my classmates because I want my them to see God through me so that God can use me to work on their hearts, so they might know the joy, peace, righteousness, friend, comfort, etc. that I have found in the Trinity...

God has accomplished so many incredible and wonderful things in this world, and I trust that He will continue to do so...

I need to listen.......

calling wolf...

2006-04-13T08:42:00.000-07:00

So I'm struggling with some major pet peves of mine...
I hate telling people that I will be somewhere, and then not showing up.
I hate saying I'll do something, and then not following through.
hate is a strong word, but these things make me feel awful, like I'm calling wolf, and then people will not trust me anymore...
Being in Rome is really hard- a lot more people than I thought are not religious on my trip than I thought- false expectations, my fault...

There is a Christian community through Campus Crusade for Christ that is here, and I was going to go to a Bible study they were having a couple of times, and I've told the sweet girl I've been talking to 3 times that I was going to come, and things have come up, and I haven't been able to go... one of them being forgetfulness, another not realizing what day it was, another getting busy and losing track of time... I've apologized, but I still just feel like the most untrustworthy, dishonest, unfaithful person...
I hate overcommiting myself, but I can't seem to say no, and then it's a self destructing cycle...

An intimate relationship (with Jesus)

2006-03-18T07:34:00.000-08:00

It's a beautiful day today- spent it sketching and analyzing the space and building of and around the pantheon... Yesterday spent all morning walking around the Vatican gardens (where the pope takes strolls- and like NOBODY gets to go there, but somehow we got the hookup and it was breath taking!! not what I expected, but still beautiful!) then a two of my classmates and I went to the Roman Forum and the Colosseo just to see it for the first time- we go back and back and back to these places, and every time you notice something different and get a more and more intimate appreciation for these magnificent monuments... looking both at context as well as individual... I like to look and relate it to our relationship with Christ-- the more we go to him the more intimate our relationship with Him... It NEVER gets old... ONLY BETTER!! And every time you meet with Him and spend time in the word, you are always guided, and you notice something different about what a month ago you read in a different sense... When studying the Bible it's like reading a story (context) and then relating it to your individual life... God is great!

48 hours survived...

2006-03-10T05:57:00.000-08:00

So WOW... Italy, specifically Rome is indescribable... the pictures don't really do it justice... It's completely different when you experience it tangibly... So the first day was pretty intimidating, but the Lord is so good, and helped me through it. I am in a city that I don't know the language, but I'm trying to learn the language. They find it amusing that I'm trying to speak in their language and not just assuming that they speak English... there are tourists EVERYWHERE, not just Americans, but you can spot us like sore thumbs, but there are tons of Russians believe it or not... They've told me that I don't stick out too bad and I don't have a strong American accent- whatever :o) - Well, the wine is amazing, had a glass last night with my margherite pizza (cheese pizza)... The olive oil is pretty amazing as well...

Day 1: arrived and Katie and Erin (Crusade stint girls) were blessings and met me at the airport. I waited about 30 minutes and made people think I was French, which threw people off, but it made them stop bothering me... good attention diverter... We took a shuttle to my hotel, then we went and got a cup of capuccino Italian style (standing)... EVERYTHING here is tight, narrow, small spaces- really cozy, I kind of like it- a lot actually... Then they left and I walked around for 2 hours then ate lunch, then walked around and sketched for about another 4 or 5 hours, then went back to the hotel just as it was getting dark and crashed...

Day 2: woke up at 5 am without an alarm, packed up my suitcases, and walked through the streets of Rome with my bookbag and one small rolling suitcase at 6:30am... it was about a 30 minute walk to the residence, that only by God's grace I found, with my limited knowledge of Italian to ask directions. Well, I checked in and unpacked/organized a bit, then my roommate and classmate arrived, and she walked with me back to my hotel to get my other suitcase, then we took the bus to go back to the residence, but it stopped at a different place, so we ended up walking around Vatican city (up hills toting my 50 pound suitcase) quite a long way... then we went and walked around- to the spanish steps and window shopped... oh, and yes, the gelato (ice cream) pretty amazing as well! all in all, I'm still in awe of this city! I went in two churches so far, and it's amazing how insignificant you feel! God really is huge, and one of my friends who isn't religious but went with me said, "how can you not feel religious when you walk into a place like this" I think that kind of sums it up... I just got internet access, but I"m planning on writing in here as often as I can...

Day 3: We went to the market this morning- FRESH EVERYTHING, at 7 am we saw the seafood coming off the trucks still twitching... the mozzerella- wow, amazing! and the fruit, freshly picked, pretty great! wow, I'm just in awe of this place... and Nuns walking around just makes me smile...

so it's been a while...

2006-02-27T13:48:00.000-08:00

Not since the last one, but I am publishing two in a row because it has been a while since I blogged before the last one...

I guess this is kind of interrelated to the last blog...
TRUST
Why is it so hard to trust? I mean, I know that God has my best interest in mind, but it's still difficult to just let go... I mean, why do I doubt that he has my best interest in mind- by the way, I hate doubt!! - I can only figure that it is because I don't get what I think I need that I ask for in prayer, but God recognizes these things as unnecessary and might say no... yeah, probably so... I think its also hard because humans are so fallible, and when we trust other humans sometimes we are let down, and so because its hard to trust other people sometimes I catch myself wanting to keep control and not leave it up to God because of my association with disappointment of humans that He made in His image... This is really frustrating, because I love God and I hate that I do this! Maybe God is just working on my persistance of pursuing His will... I guess the reason that trust is hard is that it is a trial God has put in my life so that I have to refer to

James 1:3-8 which says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all he does."

FIRST my eyes are on the Lord
FIRST my heart belongs to you Lord
FIRST my desire is to please YOU, Oh Lord
ALL I have FIRST to YOU, Father in Heaven, Lord and owner of my life, planner of my days

Time, what a fleeting thing!

2006-02-27T13:28:00.000-08:00

Anxiety, not a good thing... I associate it with stress... So, I really wish that I could just say be gone anxiety and it wouldn't bother me anymore... There should be no reason for me to be apprehensive about anything- God has a plan and a purpose for my life, and it is timed so perfectly I cannot even imagine... yet, I still get all caught up in the world and I start worrying... but worrying does nothing except stress me out! AHH! Just proves how I don't understand myself, and how the world is not the way I'm supposed to be living!

I'm about to leave to go to Rome, and I'm totally psyched, yet I'm really sad to leave my friends in Auburn. I'm going with my class friends, so that will be fun, but my outside friends will be on the other side of the world from me. I wish that I had more time to spend with them before I leave, but I just have to trust that God will bless me with time to spend with them once I return even if they are graduating and going out into the wide world!

OK, so this might be stupid, but I'm afraid of my friends forgetting me in a way or our friendships becoming less close because someone else is in their lives since for this next 8 weeks I'm going to be abroad. I don't really know how to elaborate on this, but I don't really like change, and I'm comfortable right now, and I've been blessed with some incredible friendships that have grown this semester! I've gotten to spend a lot of time with them, but now I'm going to be ripped up and replanted in a strange place where I won't get to spend time in their presence, rather through writing and reading. I don't know what to expect other than I'll just have to see what God has planned for me and the time He has arranged for me to spend abroad as well as what He has in store for me when I return... Experience will only tell... Here goes Lord- I'm waiting on you...

Reliable

2006-02-21T18:29:00.000-08:00

Well, last night my computer died... like dead.... like can't recover the 2 6-8 page research papers I had saved to my harddrive because according to Dell, my harddrive is corrupt and I just have to get a new one... so... also lost pictures, and well, words describing the feeling: FRUSTRATION... ANNOYANCE... STRESS... CONFUSION... SORROW...

K, so I thought- Computers are soooo unreliable... and ofcourse God has taught me a lesson through the little circumstances in my life- He said... the things of this earth are unreliable, they will fail you, dissappoint you, discourage you, cause trouble, however... there is a solution- HIM!! He is in Heaven and God will NEVER fail us, NEVER disappoint us, ALWAYS encourage us, guide us and show us the way... He has PLANS to prosper us and not to harm us... Computers are just things, but for some reason I am pretty worked up about this...

SO... I have a second point... I'm frustrated because I had ALL that work on my computer, all of which is now lost... which when we get to heaven, all of the works that we do on earth will also be lost! The work we do on earth doesn't show for anything... especially not in comparison with what our AMAZING God, Lord and Savior has done for us! I mean wow... God is awesome! But it doesn't matter that work is lost, because God is in control and He LOVES US! We don't have to do work to be loved, but in our society, work is what is used to be "accepted" or to "succeed" and when I get to heaven there will be no time for frustration, only time for praising God! So... just some random revelations I thought I'd throw out there...

One of the Ten Commandments...

2006-02-18T13:33:00.000-08:00

Why do we covet thy neighbors circumstances? Have you ever thought that when you look at someone else and think that they have it good, that you are coveting what they have? I know I look at others and think, man I wish I was her and didn't have to worry about this or that... well, for one thing, I don't have to worry about anything because God is in COMPLETE CONTROL of my life... Worrying does no good- neither does stress, but for some reason we worry and stress anyways...

Something that has really been on my heart recently is all the single girls I'm friends with... and I'm not excluding myself, but we've been getting annoyed at how we desire human relationships and that's not what we should be desiring, but we should be desiring more of Jesus and hoping for a more committed and a deeper more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ, our Living Savior that is walking with us daily, and who has given us the Holy Spirit!!! God is pursuing us, why are we running to things of this earth, or desiring things of this earth?? Relationships need time to grow, and that's what God wants, He wants us to spend time with Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad Habits

2006-02-15T09:31:00.000-08:00

What classifies a bad habit? How do you differentiate between a bad habit and a quirk?? I know I'm full of oddities :o) God made me this way, and I'm thankful for it! Back to the bad habits... would anything that is harmful to our bodies define a bad habit? Why is it so hard to break a bad habit??

So, I enjoy chewing Ice- which is bad for your teeth... I've tried to stop, but for some reason I've been unsuccessful... I also pop my knuckles and my back... but this is weird because I've stopped for a while and my back and knuckles hurt like a sharp pain until I pop them... I don't understand, but I want to stop cause I think it's very unladylike, but I don't want to stop because I don't want to be achy all the time.

Well, I was thinking... maybe bad habits are like sin... it's hard to give it up- like the precious ring in Lord of the Rings It's hard and even sometimes painfully hurts to give sin up... but God calls us to do so- He wants us to take the path of righteousness, which is not always going to be easy... He wants us to bind His statutes around our necks... To not stray from the good teachings of His word... Sin is harmful to our bodies just the way that bad habits are...

God is our help, maybe these bad habits are so we will learn to depend on Him in the simple, extremely minor things of our daily lives... First He has to make me aware of when I'm popping my knuckles (I don't even realize I've done it sometime)... Then He is going to have to give me the strength to bear the pain and to restrain from the temptation of popping them...

Jesus Be my Valentine EVERYDay :o)

2006-02-14T16:02:00.000-08:00

"I will make you my promised bride forever. I will be good and fair; I will show you my love and mercy." Hosea 2:19
LORD- I am taken by YOU!!! You sweep me off my feet, you are my PERFECT LOVER!!

"But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." I Corinthians 7:28
THANK YOU JESUS, for BLESSING me with this time of singleness!

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world-- how he can please his wife-- and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world-- how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." I Corinthians 7:32-35
God, Let me be the vessel through which others can know YOUR LOVE!!

This is everything I want Lord... I want you to be my ONE CONSUMING PASSION! Lord, I belong to you... LET MY THOUGHTS BE ONLY OF YOU LORD!! CONSUME MY EVERY THOUGHT... BE THE ONE THAT I PONDER ABOUT ALL THE DAY LONG!! Lord I want to be lost in the Love that you show me!

Random thoughts...

2006-02-14T16:00:00.000-08:00

DO NOT FEAR...DO NOT WORRY... God will take care of everything! He promises that! No need to waste time that you could be spending telling of His miracles to your friends!

DANCE ALWAYS... especially for JESUS!

DARE TO DREAM AND DREAM BIG!!! :o)

ALWAYS SMILE (YOU HAVE THE JOY OF CHRIST, WHICH IS NEVER ENDING)...I CONSIDER ALL THINGS LOST FOR THE SAKE OF THE LORD... I want nothing from this earth... I will go where God takes me if it means to leave every comfort I've ever known, I am willing...

BE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT... we are sooo lucky that we have the Holy Spirit and the LIVING JESUS CHRIST that is with us EVERY DAY... Be thankful we don't have to go through what those in the old testament had to do with sacrifices and the huge unbridgeable gap that existed before Jesus came to redeem us!

FOLLOW WHERE GOD LEADS YOU... If you aren't lead by the Spirit, slow down and listen! be patient, even if it hurts...God works ALL things for the best! especially when it comes to His beloved children!

JESUS IS ALL I NEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EVERY DAY IS PERFECT IF HE IS IN IT!!!!I can't wait until ALL I do is Praise Him in UNITY with ALL the children of the world from every nation!!!!!God will answer your prayers, IF it pleases Him!!

PRAY ALWAYS... God hears you... Pray for all nations of the earth, pray for your friends, and most of all... Pray for the lost to come into the light and learn to have a RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST!

Different...

2006-02-09T19:53:00.000-08:00

Have you ever been in a place where you stand out like a sore thumb? Or atleast feel like you don't fit in?

Well, I went to a function tonight with over 30 African American women and one other caucasian (other than myself), where she came with an African American friend, and I came by myself. I was definitely out of place, and people were looking at me like I was lost. One of my friends had invited me, but I hate being late, so when I showed up, the people I knew were not there, and turns out they didn't end up coming. I met some really sweet people, and I'm glad I went, but it made my thoughts start going...

I think that I stick out like a sore thumb in my architecture classes sometimes because I'm not promiscuous or doing illegal substances. I'm not implying all of them do these types of things, but often it feels like I'm different. Truth is, I am...God is in me, and His ways are in my heart... He wants me to live a life worthy of the calling He has given me, and I hope that those around me can see Jesus living in me... All Christians ARE DIFFERENT and we Don't fit into this world... We are transformed by the Holy Spirit coming to live in us!~

Jesus I'm yours! I'm lost without you!

2006-02-07T18:46:00.000-08:00

Why do Christians lash out at one another? Why do we want to hurt each other? Why do we feel the need to feel like we are better than others??

I don't like all this unkindness that is among your sons and daughters. Lord why is it so hard for us to put our flesh aside? Lord it is ONLY by YOUR strength that we can be bound together in unity and love despite our differences...

Why are we in such a hurry? I too often act in haste and react full of emotions instead of consulting God, meditating on His words and statutes... God is breaking me over this fault right now... When we aren't seeking Him, the pain is unbearable! I fall so short of God's Glory, and I see how AMAZING His grace, mercy and forgiveness is! I sometimes wish I could start over... Satan tries so hard to convince me I'm worthless, but God has PLANNED me PERFECTLY, and He LOVES and CHERISHES me!! I am soooo BLESSED!! Especially since NONE of it was by my own doing, but only because of God!! How GREAT HE IS~!

Why is it so hard to forgive? God forgives us our trespasses/debts, and we are called to forgive those who trespass against us... Why is this so hard? This world is harsh and hurts... God can HEAL our aching hearts! Prais Him! In my Father's arms is where I wish to remain!

Why do we take our eyes off Him? The past is past, it's forgotten, Thank you Jesus for freeing us from our slavery to sin! Lord, live in us! Shine through us! Let me be seen by YOU and NOT MAN! Why do we dwell on the past?? Jesus washes us clean with His BLOOD!! We are pure in God's sight... God has AMAZING plans for our lives! Let Him use His servants to glorify Him and encourage one another and not tear each other apart!

2006-02-06T15:12:00.000-08:00

Monday, February 06, 2006
God is Good!
The Lord made us the way we are, and He loves ALL of us just the way that we are. I pray that my desire is ONLY for Him, that the things of this earth would fade away, and that the circumstances we are in will glorify His name. That He will guide our actions, shape us with His fingerprints! Our Sweet Jesus... Why are we afraid? Why do we fear the passage of time? Why don't we just live our lives every moment enjoying Him!! and Living for Him!! Why do we seek human relationships when we ONLY NEED HIM? God's love is perfect! He is our lover! and a perfect one! Why do we feel the need to run into each others arms and not His? Why do we cry?? God is near us... God is HERE WITH US! Jesus, He LIVES!! We are NEVER alone! God knows why He has us where we are... Praise Jesus! God is REJOICING OVER US!! Why do we think that our ways are better than His? God knows why we hurt and have sorrow... He is shaping us, preparing us for things so much better than we can imagine at present! What's so hard about letting go? Why do we listen to the world? what's so hard about looking ONLY to Him and to Heaven? Why do we THINK that things of this earth matter?? Why do we allow Satan to plant LIES in our heads?? Why do we let this world push us around? This world cares nothing for us, but GOD DOES!!!!!!!! I pray that God will open our hearts so we can LOVE HIM MORE! Let us give God EVERYTHING... including our feelings... Honestly come before Him! Give ALL that I am, the WAY that I am, Faults and all...

Friday, February 03, 2006
Friends
I can't say enough about my precious friends... God has been so amazing this past week... God has been teaching me sooooo much about fellowship! I just come to praise Him and be in awe of the overflowing blessings I have... I think I'm starting to comprehend the importance of surrounding yourself with believers... God is so glorified when we come together and talk about eternal things... It is so important for us to think about these things. What matters is our spiritual walk, and we should not let it be unresolved or in question! How awesome that our God is our friend... He wants us to walk with Him every day and He is right there ALL day long, just like the most loyal friends you can think of... Run to Him, throw your arms around Him and fall at His feet, for there is no better place and no arms more welcoming!