accountability

I'm so thankful for my friends, but I have a confession... we talk about accountability stuff, but even with some of my closest friends I sometimes I wear a mask and try to suppress whatever I'm struggling with and act as if it doesn't exist... which I hate because if we don't tell one another, how can we build each other up and encourage one another towards unity in Christ if we don't carry one another's burdens, and yes Jesus' burden is light, and He wants to carry our burdens, but God put us on earth with other humans to share and help one another (fellowship!)... God made us in His image, and He has such a desire to be with us, as we as humans share in that desire to be with people...

I have a huge fear of failing, yet I know that I do every day... I'm soooo thankful for God's mercy and grace!!!!! I started thinking because I realized that even though I've been really thirsty to read the Bible and really wanting to read all the books of the Bible I've not read before (I used to be intimidated by it because I thought that I could never catch up to those that were raised reading the Bible, where I was raised doing works in the Episcopal church) It's hard for me to put down my Bible at night, I want to keep reading and then what I do read it's hard to move on because I really want to soak in what I'm reading- praise be to Jesus that I have the rest of my life to keep learning and interacting with God's word...

Anyways, back on the subject, I realized that it's been a long time since I've prayed and just had a conversation with God... the drive back to Montgomery from 8th street at First Baptist Church in Opelika, I had a nice talk, and I was sorry and embarrased that I had allowed so much time to go by without talking to God... I've prayed, but it's almost like I was just going through the motions... Since I got real involved with Campus Crusade for Christ, I started journaling (especially prayer journaling when I went with them on a mission trip to China for 6 weeks the summer after my sophomore year)... Well I started thinking that maybe being a prayer leader might not be a good idea because right now I'm struggling with really just talking to God, I mean I pray, but I really need to get back to the heart of it (I need to reread "A Call to Prayer" by JC Ryle)... God is teaching me a lot... Sorry this is so long, but thanks for listening (reading)