so it's been a while...

Not since the last one, but I am publishing two in a row because it has been a while since I blogged before the last one...

I guess this is kind of interrelated to the last blog...
TRUST
Why is it so hard to trust? I mean, I know that God has my best interest in mind, but it's still difficult to just let go... I mean, why do I doubt that he has my best interest in mind- by the way, I hate doubt!! - I can only figure that it is because I don't get what I think I need that I ask for in prayer, but God recognizes these things as unnecessary and might say no... yeah, probably so... I think its also hard because humans are so fallible, and when we trust other humans sometimes we are let down, and so because its hard to trust other people sometimes I catch myself wanting to keep control and not leave it up to God because of my association with disappointment of humans that He made in His image... This is really frustrating, because I love God and I hate that I do this! Maybe God is just working on my persistance of pursuing His will... I guess the reason that trust is hard is that it is a trial God has put in my life so that I have to refer to

James 1:3-8 which says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all he does."

FIRST my eyes are on the Lord
FIRST my heart belongs to you Lord
FIRST my desire is to please YOU, Oh Lord
ALL I have FIRST to YOU, Father in Heaven, Lord and owner of my life, planner of my days