so it's been a while...

Not since the last one, but I am publishing two in a row because it has been a while since I blogged before the last one...

I guess this is kind of interrelated to the last blog...
TRUST
Why is it so hard to trust? I mean, I know that God has my best interest in mind, but it's still difficult to just let go... I mean, why do I doubt that he has my best interest in mind- by the way, I hate doubt!! - I can only figure that it is because I don't get what I think I need that I ask for in prayer, but God recognizes these things as unnecessary and might say no... yeah, probably so... I think its also hard because humans are so fallible, and when we trust other humans sometimes we are let down, and so because its hard to trust other people sometimes I catch myself wanting to keep control and not leave it up to God because of my association with disappointment of humans that He made in His image... This is really frustrating, because I love God and I hate that I do this! Maybe God is just working on my persistance of pursuing His will... I guess the reason that trust is hard is that it is a trial God has put in my life so that I have to refer to

James 1:3-8 which says, "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double minded man, unstable in all he does."

FIRST my eyes are on the Lord
FIRST my heart belongs to you Lord
FIRST my desire is to please YOU, Oh Lord
ALL I have FIRST to YOU, Father in Heaven, Lord and owner of my life, planner of my days

Time, what a fleeting thing!

Anxiety, not a good thing... I associate it with stress... So, I really wish that I could just say be gone anxiety and it wouldn't bother me anymore... There should be no reason for me to be apprehensive about anything- God has a plan and a purpose for my life, and it is timed so perfectly I cannot even imagine... yet, I still get all caught up in the world and I start worrying... but worrying does nothing except stress me out! AHH! Just proves how I don't understand myself, and how the world is not the way I'm supposed to be living!

I'm about to leave to go to Rome, and I'm totally psyched, yet I'm really sad to leave my friends in Auburn. I'm going with my class friends, so that will be fun, but my outside friends will be on the other side of the world from me. I wish that I had more time to spend with them before I leave, but I just have to trust that God will bless me with time to spend with them once I return even if they are graduating and going out into the wide world!

OK, so this might be stupid, but I'm afraid of my friends forgetting me in a way or our friendships becoming less close because someone else is in their lives since for this next 8 weeks I'm going to be abroad. I don't really know how to elaborate on this, but I don't really like change, and I'm comfortable right now, and I've been blessed with some incredible friendships that have grown this semester! I've gotten to spend a lot of time with them, but now I'm going to be ripped up and replanted in a strange place where I won't get to spend time in their presence, rather through writing and reading. I don't know what to expect other than I'll just have to see what God has planned for me and the time He has arranged for me to spend abroad as well as what He has in store for me when I return... Experience will only tell... Here goes Lord- I'm waiting on you...

Reliable

Well, last night my computer died... like dead.... like can't recover the 2 6-8 page research papers I had saved to my harddrive because according to Dell, my harddrive is corrupt and I just have to get a new one... so... also lost pictures, and well, words describing the feeling: FRUSTRATION... ANNOYANCE... STRESS... CONFUSION... SORROW...

K, so I thought- Computers are soooo unreliable... and ofcourse God has taught me a lesson through the little circumstances in my life- He said... the things of this earth are unreliable, they will fail you, dissappoint you, discourage you, cause trouble, however... there is a solution- HIM!! He is in Heaven and God will NEVER fail us, NEVER disappoint us, ALWAYS encourage us, guide us and show us the way... He has PLANS to prosper us and not to harm us... Computers are just things, but for some reason I am pretty worked up about this...

SO... I have a second point... I'm frustrated because I had ALL that work on my computer, all of which is now lost... which when we get to heaven, all of the works that we do on earth will also be lost! The work we do on earth doesn't show for anything... especially not in comparison with what our AMAZING God, Lord and Savior has done for us! I mean wow... God is awesome! But it doesn't matter that work is lost, because God is in control and He LOVES US! We don't have to do work to be loved, but in our society, work is what is used to be "accepted" or to "succeed" and when I get to heaven there will be no time for frustration, only time for praising God! So... just some random revelations I thought I'd throw out there...

One of the Ten Commandments...

Why do we covet thy neighbors circumstances? Have you ever thought that when you look at someone else and think that they have it good, that you are coveting what they have? I know I look at others and think, man I wish I was her and didn't have to worry about this or that... well, for one thing, I don't have to worry about anything because God is in COMPLETE CONTROL of my life... Worrying does no good- neither does stress, but for some reason we worry and stress anyways...

Something that has really been on my heart recently is all the single girls I'm friends with... and I'm not excluding myself, but we've been getting annoyed at how we desire human relationships and that's not what we should be desiring, but we should be desiring more of Jesus and hoping for a more committed and a deeper more intimate relationship with Jesus Christ, our Living Savior that is walking with us daily, and who has given us the Holy Spirit!!! God is pursuing us, why are we running to things of this earth, or desiring things of this earth?? Relationships need time to grow, and that's what God wants, He wants us to spend time with Him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bad Habits

What classifies a bad habit? How do you differentiate between a bad habit and a quirk?? I know I'm full of oddities :o) God made me this way, and I'm thankful for it! Back to the bad habits... would anything that is harmful to our bodies define a bad habit? Why is it so hard to break a bad habit??

So, I enjoy chewing Ice- which is bad for your teeth... I've tried to stop, but for some reason I've been unsuccessful... I also pop my knuckles and my back... but this is weird because I've stopped for a while and my back and knuckles hurt like a sharp pain until I pop them... I don't understand, but I want to stop cause I think it's very unladylike, but I don't want to stop because I don't want to be achy all the time.

Well, I was thinking... maybe bad habits are like sin... it's hard to give it up- like the precious ring in Lord of the Rings It's hard and even sometimes painfully hurts to give sin up... but God calls us to do so- He wants us to take the path of righteousness, which is not always going to be easy... He wants us to bind His statutes around our necks... To not stray from the good teachings of His word... Sin is harmful to our bodies just the way that bad habits are...

God is our help, maybe these bad habits are so we will learn to depend on Him in the simple, extremely minor things of our daily lives... First He has to make me aware of when I'm popping my knuckles (I don't even realize I've done it sometime)... Then He is going to have to give me the strength to bear the pain and to restrain from the temptation of popping them...

Jesus Be my Valentine EVERYDay :o)

"I will make you my promised bride forever. I will be good and fair; I will show you my love and mercy." Hosea 2:19
LORD- I am taken by YOU!!! You sweep me off my feet, you are my PERFECT LOVER!!

"But if you marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this." I Corinthians 7:28
THANK YOU JESUS, for BLESSING me with this time of singleness!

"I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord's affairs--how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world-- how he can please his wife-- and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord's affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world-- how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord." I Corinthians 7:32-35
God, Let me be the vessel through which others can know YOUR LOVE!!

This is everything I want Lord... I want you to be my ONE CONSUMING PASSION! Lord, I belong to you... LET MY THOUGHTS BE ONLY OF YOU LORD!! CONSUME MY EVERY THOUGHT... BE THE ONE THAT I PONDER ABOUT ALL THE DAY LONG!! Lord I want to be lost in the Love that you show me!

Random thoughts...

DO NOT FEAR...DO NOT WORRY... God will take care of everything! He promises that! No need to waste time that you could be spending telling of His miracles to your friends!

DANCE ALWAYS... especially for JESUS!

DARE TO DREAM AND DREAM BIG!!! :o)

ALWAYS SMILE (YOU HAVE THE JOY OF CHRIST, WHICH IS NEVER ENDING)...I CONSIDER ALL THINGS LOST FOR THE SAKE OF THE LORD... I want nothing from this earth... I will go where God takes me if it means to leave every comfort I've ever known, I am willing...

BE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT... we are sooo lucky that we have the Holy Spirit and the LIVING JESUS CHRIST that is with us EVERY DAY... Be thankful we don't have to go through what those in the old testament had to do with sacrifices and the huge unbridgeable gap that existed before Jesus came to redeem us!

FOLLOW WHERE GOD LEADS YOU... If you aren't lead by the Spirit, slow down and listen! be patient, even if it hurts...God works ALL things for the best! especially when it comes to His beloved children!

JESUS IS ALL I NEED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EVERY DAY IS PERFECT IF HE IS IN IT!!!!I can't wait until ALL I do is Praise Him in UNITY with ALL the children of the world from every nation!!!!!God will answer your prayers, IF it pleases Him!!

PRAY ALWAYS... God hears you... Pray for all nations of the earth, pray for your friends, and most of all... Pray for the lost to come into the light and learn to have a RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST!

Different...

Have you ever been in a place where you stand out like a sore thumb? Or atleast feel like you don't fit in?

Well, I went to a function tonight with over 30 African American women and one other caucasian (other than myself), where she came with an African American friend, and I came by myself. I was definitely out of place, and people were looking at me like I was lost. One of my friends had invited me, but I hate being late, so when I showed up, the people I knew were not there, and turns out they didn't end up coming. I met some really sweet people, and I'm glad I went, but it made my thoughts start going...

I think that I stick out like a sore thumb in my architecture classes sometimes because I'm not promiscuous or doing illegal substances. I'm not implying all of them do these types of things, but often it feels like I'm different. Truth is, I am...God is in me, and His ways are in my heart... He wants me to live a life worthy of the calling He has given me, and I hope that those around me can see Jesus living in me... All Christians ARE DIFFERENT and we Don't fit into this world... We are transformed by the Holy Spirit coming to live in us!~

Jesus I'm yours! I'm lost without you!

Why do Christians lash out at one another? Why do we want to hurt each other? Why do we feel the need to feel like we are better than others??

I don't like all this unkindness that is among your sons and daughters. Lord why is it so hard for us to put our flesh aside? Lord it is ONLY by YOUR strength that we can be bound together in unity and love despite our differences...

Why are we in such a hurry? I too often act in haste and react full of emotions instead of consulting God, meditating on His words and statutes... God is breaking me over this fault right now... When we aren't seeking Him, the pain is unbearable! I fall so short of God's Glory, and I see how AMAZING His grace, mercy and forgiveness is! I sometimes wish I could start over... Satan tries so hard to convince me I'm worthless, but God has PLANNED me PERFECTLY, and He LOVES and CHERISHES me!! I am soooo BLESSED!! Especially since NONE of it was by my own doing, but only because of God!! How GREAT HE IS~!

Why is it so hard to forgive? God forgives us our trespasses/debts, and we are called to forgive those who trespass against us... Why is this so hard? This world is harsh and hurts... God can HEAL our aching hearts! Prais Him! In my Father's arms is where I wish to remain!

Why do we take our eyes off Him? The past is past, it's forgotten, Thank you Jesus for freeing us from our slavery to sin! Lord, live in us! Shine through us! Let me be seen by YOU and NOT MAN! Why do we dwell on the past?? Jesus washes us clean with His BLOOD!! We are pure in God's sight... God has AMAZING plans for our lives! Let Him use His servants to glorify Him and encourage one another and not tear each other apart!

Monday, February 06, 2006
God is Good!
The Lord made us the way we are, and He loves ALL of us just the way that we are. I pray that my desire is ONLY for Him, that the things of this earth would fade away, and that the circumstances we are in will glorify His name. That He will guide our actions, shape us with His fingerprints! Our Sweet Jesus... Why are we afraid? Why do we fear the passage of time? Why don't we just live our lives every moment enjoying Him!! and Living for Him!! Why do we seek human relationships when we ONLY NEED HIM? God's love is perfect! He is our lover! and a perfect one! Why do we feel the need to run into each others arms and not His? Why do we cry?? God is near us... God is HERE WITH US! Jesus, He LIVES!! We are NEVER alone! God knows why He has us where we are... Praise Jesus! God is REJOICING OVER US!! Why do we think that our ways are better than His? God knows why we hurt and have sorrow... He is shaping us, preparing us for things so much better than we can imagine at present! What's so hard about letting go? Why do we listen to the world? what's so hard about looking ONLY to Him and to Heaven? Why do we THINK that things of this earth matter?? Why do we allow Satan to plant LIES in our heads?? Why do we let this world push us around? This world cares nothing for us, but GOD DOES!!!!!!!! I pray that God will open our hearts so we can LOVE HIM MORE! Let us give God EVERYTHING... including our feelings... Honestly come before Him! Give ALL that I am, the WAY that I am, Faults and all...

Friday, February 03, 2006
Friends
I can't say enough about my precious friends... God has been so amazing this past week... God has been teaching me sooooo much about fellowship! I just come to praise Him and be in awe of the overflowing blessings I have... I think I'm starting to comprehend the importance of surrounding yourself with believers... God is so glorified when we come together and talk about eternal things... It is so important for us to think about these things. What matters is our spiritual walk, and we should not let it be unresolved or in question! How awesome that our God is our friend... He wants us to walk with Him every day and He is right there ALL day long, just like the most loyal friends you can think of... Run to Him, throw your arms around Him and fall at His feet, for there is no better place and no arms more welcoming!